There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
