It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
