someone threw a dead crab at me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
