if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
