I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You're like the curious george of whores
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
