You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
