Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
