It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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