Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
