If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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