Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
