....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
