Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
