We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
