this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
