Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize