Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
