She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
as a side note pls kill me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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