I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize