I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
