The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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