stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
