It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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