apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
