JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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