How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I died a long time ago.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
