Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
