I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
