Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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