Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's official drugs can't kill me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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