have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
