i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
