You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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