I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
