ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i barfeds in our rink
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize