i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
