I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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