I just made out with a guy for $7.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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