She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
