you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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