i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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