Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
my poor anus
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
