a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
