1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
