if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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