Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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