So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
