How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
