His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
