my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
