need another drink. this is the easiest way
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
