You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
