I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
