Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
