So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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