going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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