There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
