took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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