UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
