You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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