You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
