Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
